I wish I was this funny.
Signed,
Old Gumbo Jefferson, Cheesecake Bacon Butter, and Jaded ‘Chuck Norris’ LeLoserishistory

Mikalee Byerman

You’ve all seen ’em before: The “What’s Your (fill-in-the-blank) Name” games that make their rounds on Facebook and throughout the vast social media-sphere (media-verse? media-laxy?).

And really, they’re annoying.

If by “annoying” I mean “addictive.”

For example, one of my favorites is the “What’s Your Porn Star Name” game. Which, oddly enough, has the same rules as the “What’s Your Drag Queen Name” game. And as you’ll soon see, the latter definitely works way better for my particular moniker.

Anyhow, the rules: In order to figure out your porn star name, you take the name of your first pet as your first name, and then the name of the first street you lived on as a child as your last name.

Wilbur was my first pet (no, not as in “Some Pig.” He was a parakeet. Don’t ask.).

Southhampton was my first street.

Hence: Wilbur Southhampton.

Who wouldn’t want…

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